By:  Jacqueline Shaeffer

While growing up, I was taught to believe that sex was a dirty and disgusting act. My parents insisted that it should be done only to produce children. They were traditional Catholics who repeatedly told me I must wait until marriage and that my virginity was a virtue I couldn’t afford to lose. I suspect their stern warnings were due in large part to my older sister’s pre-marriage pregnancy scare. As a result of the fear this created in my family, I was banned from sexual education classes at school. This, they thought, would prevent me from taking the same path that she had. But, alas, my curiosity about sex was only intensified; and eventually it got the better of me.

By the time high school came around, I wanted to know everything about sex. What was this shameful process in which we all were conceived? Luckily, I had my own room, satellite television, and my brother’s porn tapes. When I actually saw what the big commotion was all about, I didn’t think it looked so bad. If it was such an abomination why did each person have the look of complete ecstasy on his or her face? I knew that the porn stories I watched didn’t happen in real life, but I couldn’t help but get a little excited by them.
I didn’t know exactly how or to whom I wanted to lose my virginity. I was a pretty big nerd in school so it was pretty hard for me to even get a date. This coupled with the fact that I was never allowed to leave the house without a chaperone only made it more difficult. I did manage to have two boyfriends within the first two years of high school life. Both were more than willing to do the deed, but I was too much of a chicken to go through with it; and to be honest neither of them felt right.

My first boyfriend, Edwin, was an extremely bad kisser. He slobbered all over me constantly and I figured if I didn’t like the way he kissed, I wasn’t going to like the way he fornicated. My second boyfriend was Eric. He was older and more mature, and his kissing skills were far more advanced than Edwin’s were. But I noticed his playboy tendencies from the get-go. Since I didn’t have sex with either of these boys, they both dumped me pretty quickly. After that, I decided not to even look at a boy for a while. That was until Kirk came along.

I had already known Kirk for a few years. He was a friend of mine who flirted with me occasionally. I had nursed a crush of sorts on him since I had first met him. Even though he was really chunky at that point, I still thought he was cute. After summer break between sophomore and junior year, he returned to school thinner and more muscular. The girls really noticed Kirk after that so I thought my chances with him were over. How glad I am that I was wrong.

Kirk was the only white boy in a class full of Hispanics and African Americans - and I always preferred the white boys. His brown hair was tussled and messy looking. He was six feet tall with broad shoulders and massive guns. Moreover, Kirk was the bad boy in my class. He was the stoner who went to crazy parties and never did any type of schoolwork. He seldom made it to class on time if at all. When he did come to class, he just sat there looking bored and handsome. Yep, I was crazy over that boy. All the girls were. And I knew I had to turn up my game if I was to have ANY chance of getting him.

To my enormous surprise, after I bumped my flirting up a notch, Kirk asked me out on a date. It was the day I dreamed of but reality hit me like a ton of bricks. My parents made it very clear that should a boy ask me out, I was to bring him home to meet the family before I was allowed to go out with him. I thought my good girl routine wouldn’t sit well with him, but he agreed to it immediately. The thought of him meeting my parents was a little unnerving at first. When the time finally came, he turned on the charm and my parents loved him. I couldn’t believe it. I was totally relieved.

At first, our dates consisted of him spending time at my house with my family. We were allowed to watch TV together in my room so long as the door was wide open for anyone to see. During this time I learned a few things about Kirk. He told both my parents and me the details of his relationship with virtually non-existent parents. Before I knew it, my parents were inviting him to spend his weekends at our house. By that time, we had been dating for more than a year; and that’s when I started making my moves.
I would wait until late at night when everyone was asleep to sneak into his room, which was right next to mine. I knew how to pry the lock open to my room so I locked it and when I snuck into his I locked that one too. I knew it was the only time when we would be able to be completely alone. He was surprised by the boldness of my actions, but appreciated them all the same.

Kirk was an amazing kisser. When he kissed me, it was totally different than the others. It sparked the launching sequence that was waiting to take off. However, to my disappointment, he was the one that wanted to wait. He knew he would be my first. He already made it clear that I wouldn’t be his first, but I didn’t think I would be. He said he didn’t want to rush into anything too quickly, that he wanted things to be different with me. Most of the time we pretty much landed and stayed on second base. Then, it escalated to the taking off of clothes (mostly on my part).

He had no problem engaging in mutual oral sex, but he refused the act of penetration for quite some time. This was when I started getting confused. If I engaged in oral and sometimes digital sex, did it mean I was no longer a virgin? I had absolutely no idea. And quite frankly I did not care. I enjoyed every minute of it. I enjoyed it even more when the inevitable finally happened.
It was summer time and thankfully the house did not have central air. Each bedroom had an air conditioner, so my father said it was ok for us to close the door. This I knew was the golden opportunity. Kirk and I were watching VH1’s Rock Honors show because my favorite band Judas Priest was performing a few songs. Before I knew it we were making out to “Breakin’ the Law.” We kept at it until Kirk shoved his shorts down and clamped my hand around his erection. He asked me if I felt ready to proceed. Let’s just say he didn’t have to ask me twice.

He protected himself with a condom as I wiggled out of my shorts. Then, he entered me. By this time, my favorite song “You’ve Got Another Thing Coming” was playing. I was having sex for the first time to my favorite song and the experience was amazing. I felt like I couldn’t get enough. After Kirk finished, I felt wonderful. I asked if we could do it again, but Kirk was too scared that someone would walk in as it was the middle of the afternoon. So, he just held me, kissed my forehead and told me that he loved me. He had told me this before, but it felt better every time he said it. In that moment, I felt like all of my dreams had come true. I lost my virginity to a hunky bad boy with a sensitive side. What more could I have asked for?

Now, almost three years later, Kirk and I are still together. We live in our own place and last Christmas he asked me to marry him. We’re planning our wedding for later this year. Some might call me crazy to have slept with only one person and then tying myself to him for the rest of my life. Again, I do not care. The sex is still great with him; and I feel if it ain’t broke, it don’t need fixin’ right?
There was a time where I really thought I had to wait until marriage. But, uite frankly, I just couldn’t. I don’t think everyone can. If there are people out there that want to wait, I applaud them. But trying to force your children to do so, as my parents did is not likely to produce the desired result. With Kirk, I discovered that sex can be fun and wonderful, and nothing like the disgusting abomination my parent’s told me it was. I wouldn’t change anything about my first time. I decided to do it on my own terms. I felt physically and emotionally ready, we used protection, and like the sap that I am, I was in love. Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with that.