By Lily Rose

During the summer before my freshman year of high school, the incoming senior boys of my Midwestern small-town chose me for their “Desirable Incoming Freshman Meat” list. Word of this great honor raced across the tips of teenaged girls tongues like an Olympic track star sprinting for the gold. To be held in such high regard by the senior guys inspired dreams of being like Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles. I wanted to kiss my own Jake Ryan. But where was my Jake? Well, as luck would have it, he wasn’t far…just down the street from my childhood home; and he wasn’t Jake Ryan by any stretch of the imagination. But, he was a senior and he liked me. Good enough.

I guess I was desirable if 5’10”, fourteen year olds with no boobs, awkwardly long legs, and zero self-esteem are what you like; and apparently Derek Truitt, the senior down the street, did. One night, he called me and we began, what seemed like, the most romantic interludes of my young life. As a 14 year-old freshman, I wasn’t technically allowed to date; and as an 18 year-old senior, Derek probably shouldn’t have been dating me. So, we had to rely on secret trips to the Dairy Queen, long talks on the phone, and lazy walks around the neighborhood to satisfy our adolescent longing. I was lofted onto a pink cloud every time we met and mesmerized by our conversations. While Derek talked and talked, I repeatedly said, “I totally know what you mean.” Honestly, I didn’t want to talk. I just wanted to kiss him and make him my boyfriend…just like Molly in Sixteen Candles. After all, he was Jake…I mean Derek...the senior.

On a warm summer night, at a construction site across the street from my house, we finally had our first kiss. It was almost dark and I was striking my sexiest pose, while sitting on a pile of bricks. He walked over to me and the kiss began. It was beautiful. My tongue was searching his mouth for a comfortable place to land, while his tongue was searching for my tonsils. For about thirty seconds, I was in heaven. I was kissing my senior boyfriend. The thirty seconds were over all too soon and he sprinted for second base. His hand flew up my shirt and began smashing my non-existent breasts like a baker kneading dough. I had never been to second base. Was this supposed to feel good? As I was contemplating this question, he unzipped my pants and dove for 3rd. I was in over my head. Was he going to “finger” me? Oh my god. He was in a hurry and before I knew it, his impatient finger was plunging uncomfortably inside my 14 year-old vagina. Oh my god….oh my god….oh my god…..thoughts were rushing through my head. “What do I do with my legs?” “My butt hurts on this pile of bricks!” “Do I want him to be doing this?” “Wow! This feels really weird!” All of a sudden, he stopped. It was over. I walked back across the street to my home. In three, thirty second intervals, I had been kissed, fondled, and fingered...and then sent home. I didn’t hear from Derek, the senior, anymore that summer. The credits were rolling for Sixteen Candles.

High school officially began. When I walked the senior corridor for the first time, my armpits sweat. Derek was there; and when he saw me, he gave me a toothy grin and a sly wink. That’s when I knew that he and I had a connection. We shared a secret. I felt important again. I was Derek Truitt’s secret lover. The idea of Jake Ryan was left behind on that construction site and I was now the secret lover of the leading man on the Young and the Restless.

First semester was over in what seemed like thirty seconds and Christmas break gave me time to think. I was beginning to realize that being fourteen and a virgin was clearly unacceptable. All of my friends were doing the deed, getting it on, and feeling the passion that 14 year-olds, overwhelmingly, do not feel. I wanted to feel what THEY felt, see if I would bleed like THEY did, and then run and tell THEM that I was in THEIR club. The quest had begun. I had to find my leading man to make sweet, sweaty love to me. Where was he? I knew exactly where he was….right down the street.

Late, on a snowy, winter night, I called Derek. We had only exchanged winks and smiles for months, but he instantly knew what I wanted. Thirty seconds later, I climbed out of my window and made footprints down the street, through the snow. It was freezing, but I was strangely calm and accepting of my fate; and I was anticipating the sweet and sweaty lovemaking I had seen on the Young and the Restless. I climbed through his window and we sat at the end of his twin bed. We started kissing. Thirty seconds later, we were naked and under the covers. He climbed on top of me as I looked into his eyes. He reached down and started to push himself inside of me. Oh my god. OUCH!!!! My natural instincts kicked in and I pulled myself away. He kept pushing forward and I kept pulling back until my head hit the headboard. OUCH!!! And then with one big thrust, he was inside me! After thirty seconds and a couple of thrusts, he was soaring toward orgasmic oblivion while I was lying there, sweat free and sore. Now what? I put on my clothes, climbed out his window and walked back home through my own snowy, virgin footprints. I had done it.

Thirty seconds later, I climbed through my bedroom window and called my friends to reveal our secret lovemaking. I was now a part of THEIR club. I never talked to Derek Truitt again. No more Derek. No more Jake Ryan. No more Young and the Restless. No more virginity...it was all over in a series of thirty seconds.